In my post about the Power of Words, I promised I would be
back to reflect some more about my experiences of this year and how they have
affected me. I promised…so here it is! This is the second part of my musings
about my college journey so far. This one’s about journeying—the joys and
struggles of being a citizen of both JBU and the Roller family. I’ve had a lot
to learn and it started on Day One.
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| The rental car all packed and ready to leave home |
My first day at
JBU, my mom and sister came down to help move me in. Dad had to stay in Ohio to
get ready for MVNU’s students to get back. Mom and Rachel drove the rental car
back home, leaving me alone—no family, no car, and no idea exactly what college
was going to be like. While I have friends pretty much everywhere (and people
who hang around me very long realize I run into acquaintances in the strangest
places), for all intent and purposes I knew absolutely no one in Arkansas. I
was starting from scratch and I knew it.
This sudden
separation from all things normal and comfortable was uncertain, strange,
stretching and downright terrifying at times. Now, I adjusted quickly; making
friends with my hallmates and RA’s, getting to know my professors, hanging out
with my Orientation group and leaders, and looking for a church all helped life
feel normal again. I quickly found that “normal” at college was not like it was
at home. Instead, I was creating a new normal. I soon found college life to be
incredibly exhausting but wonderfully rewarding. I still looked like a dumb freshman many
times, especially when I had to go somewhere new or when I did something stupid
like running into an important someone on campus and not having a clue who
he/she was. All in all, however, I was gradually becoming integrated into the
college culture.
In my Gateway
class that fall, Professor Mandy Moore helped us study the life and culture of
college students. In an incredibly interesting article, a few researchers
compared the process of adjusting to college life to moving to a foreign
country. They took a model that had been used to describe international travel
and applied it to college students. This is what they developed:
In my assignment
journal for this class, I described this “W-Curve” in these words:
As freshmen we have moved from
the tourist-like experiences of searching for a college and are now on campus
and stuck here, for the most part. We are asked to make the best of it, but
there are stages of this development and integration into the culture.
Initially we are thrilled to be here and there are many activities designed to
help us enjoy Stage A: The Honeymoon. By the time classes are beginning, Stage
B: Culture Shock is setting in. We face many conflicting emotions and
challenges that we never expected, such as getting lost on the way to class,
astonishment at the amount of work assigned on the syllabus, tension with our
room- and hall-mates, and missing friends and family at home. After a while, we
are feeling much more comfortable with the overall rhythm of college life and
beginning to feel connected and accepted in the college culture. This,
described as Stage C: Initial Adjustment, is very comforting after the
difficult experiences of the first weeks and months on this college campus.
However, because of mounting stress, fatigue, home-sickness, doubt, and feelings
of isolation, eventually a second downswing occurs, which the article refers to
as Stage D: Mental Isolation. Eventually, most college students begin feeling
connected, comfortable, accepted, at home, and integrated in this new college
culture. They have joined the ranks of successful college students navigating
their freshman year.
I was then asked
to write about where I thought I was in the process at that point in time. I
still smile when I look back at what I said:
I am still smack-dab in the middle of culture shock, and perhaps on the
upswing. I am feeling a general sense of well-being today. (Today. Friday,
August 26, 2011. If you asked me Wednesday afternoon it would have been a
different story!) It is still very new here and I am dealing with many of the
challenges referenced in Stage B: Culture Shock, including bureaucracy,
adjustment to dorm life, understanding diverse cultures, frustration with
normally routine tasks, and missing home, friends and family.
Throughout the
first two semesters at JBU, I clearly experienced each one of these stages.
Understanding that these stages exist helped me realize that I was not insane
or overly emotional. I was merely experiencing a normal adjustment period to a
completely different life. This helped me manage the change more constructively. On average, I survived the transition better as a result of knowing these
stages and ways to cope with them. At the end, I feel like I have successfully
reached the Integration and Acceptance stage. I feel like my college journey
was a success but it was not without its proverbial “ups and downs” throughout
the year.
Comparing
college to a foreign country makes sense in many ways. Here are a few factors
on my list of what makes JBU a foreign country:
ü
Language:
Universities often have their very own language, or jargon. At JBU, this
includes terms such as froogling, the
Cali, the Caf, granolas, green boxes, the bubble, the awkward ball, and StalkerNet. If you’re reading this and
your first thought is “huh?” then you’re probably not a native of JBU. If
you’re a JBU student, the likelihood is that you know exactly what I’m talking
about.
ü
Geography:
Any campus is incredibly confusing the first few weeks and months on campus.
All the buildings look much same and have odd names such as Walker, BPAC,
J.Alvin, Mayfield, Art 2 (ahem, I mean Wingate Visual Arts Building East), and
Kresgie Dining Hall. Admissions will give you a map, but that doesn’t keep
freshmen and visiting students from walking around with a puzzled and quizzical
look on their faces, turning the brochure this way and that, trying to figure
out exactly where on campus they are.
ü
Customs:
events and practices such as Mock Rock, J. Alvin Loves Mayfield, Breakaway,
open dorm hours, The Toilet Paper Game, and Sophomore Mugging may seem quite
foreign to any newcomer on campus.
ü
Hierarchy:
yes, it exists in force on college campuses. From requiring freshmen to park in
Outer Mongolia (oh, I mean, in the extra parking lots behind North Hall) to
allowing seniors to register for classes before anyone else, there are distinct
advantages to being an upperclassman at the University. Students aren’t the
only ones that have rank, either. Faculty and administration are assistant
professors, associate professors, full professors, and who-knows-what’s. These
aren’t necessarily bad things, but as a freshman it can take a little while to
get used to the whole system. You’re the underdog and you know it, yet you know
that someday you won’t be anymore.
ü
Legislation:
Especially at a private Christian college such as JBU, there are many rules and
standards that students are asked to abide by. Minor infringements include
errors such as getting a parking ticket for leaving your car in the wrong place
or having to go find your ID because you’re not allowed to eat in the Caf
without it. Ignorance isn’t a good excuse, either. “It’s in the Student
Handbook,” they say. Major problems and corrective measures ensue when students
don’t follow covenant and indulge in practices such as drinking, gambling,
viewing inappropriate entertainment, or academic dishonesty.
ü Currency: One does not necessarily pay for food and services with US dollars on a college campus. Instead, you can use your ID to spend bucks in the Cali and scan your ID to use up meal plan meals in the Caf. In the Mayfield Market, you can trade your ID for useful items such as games, cleaning supplies, and cooking tools. Upon successful return, you may redeem your ID. If you loose your ID, good luck to you and I hope you find it quickly. You can't even get in the door without it!
As you can see,
in many ways JBU and other colleges are their own little worlds. Students
travel to these destinations and stay there for long periods of time. They
establish residence and become increasingly integrated into the college
culture. They acclimate to the new norms and are soon no longer bothered or
even aware of many of the factors listed above. This adjustment is healthy and
creates a culture that is unlike any other experience. I wouldn’t trade this
for anything.
At the same
time, the sometimes dramatic differences between home life and college culture
can be a difficult transition for co-eds. About the time we think we’re
comfortable and integrated at school, it’s time to go home for a “break.” We
get to go visit mom and dad or travel to some other destination. We’re
constantly shifting between home and school culture, never quite at home and
settled in either one.
Based on my
experience, I have begun to refer to this phenomenon as “dual citizenship.” And
if switching between home and school is similar to international travel, then
maybe I should quit school and become a travel agent!
Right now I’m
soaring above St. Louis on my flight back home for the summer and bracing
myself for yet another cross-cultural experience. I am no longer the child in
my parents’ home that I was before I began my college experience. I am now a
semi-independent young adult. My parents and sister are delighted that I am
coming home. I am excited to be going home. But, we’re all going to have some
adjusting to do.
I have so, so,
so many experiences from this year. Crazy and diligent, big and small, sane and
insane, quiet and loud, alone and with others—my college life is full of joys,
struggles, and adventures. None of my family has been down to JBU since they
moved me into college that day in August. They know a little bit of what the
campus looks like, they have some knowledge of the place from going through ERP
and campus visits with me, Skype can give them a window into my world, and they
can Facebook-stalk my friends to some degree, but in reality they have no idea
what I have experienced the last weeks and months. I can tell stories, but even
those only go so far. Many of my memories I just have to treasure up in my
heart, knowing they’ll never quite understand. It’s worth trying to share the
memories, but I could talk for days and write for hours without telling them
half of what happened day-to-day.
Meanwhile, I’ve
been gone from my home "country." There is no way they can tell me all that
happened there, either. I’ve missed out and I know it. This disconnect is
incredibly frustrating at times.
When I’m home, we
pick up where we left off and have a great time, but the link that I was used
to with my mom, dad, and sister isn’t quite there anymore. I was homeschooled.
That means my parents and sister were there for everything I ever did, or were
right there to tell about it when I got home. I daily caught up with them and
they knew pretty much everything about me all the time. That connection was
valuable and important to me.
I still have a
connection with them. It’s just different. I still love them. They still love
me. We still talk and experience things together. When I get home, we enjoy
being together. When I’m gone, we miss each other but know with full confidence
that we’ll see each other again. Yet, things are not the same as they used to
be and I have had to learn to be ok with that.
I have had to
realize that I must be content where I am. This is a choice and a practice,
taking daily application to succeed. Paul talks about contentment, saying, “I
have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know both how to have
a little and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have
learned the secret of being content—whether well fed or hungry, whether in
abundance or in need. I am able to all thing through Him who strengthens me”
(Philippians 4:11-13, HCSB). This is the attitude I strive, however
imperfectly, to adopt in this journey of mine.
I could choose
to be discontent wherever I am,
because part of me will always want to be somewhere other than here. When I’m
at home I miss being at school with my friends and increased independence. When
I’m at school, I miss being home with my family to love and take care of me.
Sometimes I feel like I can’t win, that I’m constantly torn.
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| Me and my trusty backpack |
On the other hand, I am winning, I am
whole. I have blessings, people to care for me, and a “home” wherever I am. You
know the saying, “home is where your heart is”? Well, my rendition of that is
“home is where my backpack is.” My backpack is about the most consistent thing
in my life right now. It’s with me wherever I am, whether at home or at school
or at friends’ houses or airports. In order to maintain some sort of sanity in
my constant dual citizenship, I have had to learn to adopt this attitude of
contentment.
I am coping by
learning to choose thankfulness above all else. For instance, I had to say “see
you later” to Ryan today. That’s on top of leaving all my school friends for
the summer (or in some cases, when they’re graduating or not returning, for
longer than that) earlier this week. That’s a lot of goodbyes in seven days!
Instead of dwelling on what I’m leaving behind, I have to focus on what’s ahead
and how blessed I am to have had the limited time with dear ones I did have. If I dwell on the past I
quickly become a tearful mess. I am so richly blessed to have people all over
the country who love and care for me, but dadgumit, it hurts sometimes to leave! This is a fearsome side effect of dual
citizenship. When you live a life like mine, it’s constantly bittersweet.
I know I’m not
the only one who deals with these tensions, joys, and tearful goodbyes. This is
a shout out to all the college students who are making the transition back home
for the summer. Fellow students, I hope that your adventure is rewarding and I
wish you sweet time and connections with your friends and family in the great
country of Home. I look forward to seeing you back at the country of JBU in the
fall. I want to hear all about your summer and how things have gone. You and me, like
me with my family, will pick up where we left off and have a great time together.
I live in this
contented confidence. I and my backpack have had so many great adventures this
year and are looking forward to even more in the years to come. I am thankful
for all the people who surround me on this journey. Please hold me close when
I’m near and think fondly of me when I am far. I’ll be back, I promise. You’ll
see me again (here or on the other side of eternity) and we’ll be stronger for
it. May God go with you until we meet again. God bless you on your journeys, my
friends.
