Beauty in Imperfection

"I'm incredibly imperfect but wonderfully loved."

When my fiancé gave me my engagement ring, it nearly took my breath away. Not only was my favorite person asking me to spend the rest of my life with him, but my goodness, the ring itself was absolutely gorgeous!

Later, as he was explaining to me about the design of the ring he said, "I think the diamond has one little imperfection in it, but it is set so you can hardly see it."

"That's alright," I replied. "It's still beautiful and I love it."

Honestly, I thought that was a fitting description of life in general. I'm not perfect. None of us are, really. All of us have our flaws and are in need of redemption. We are still beautiful and loved, though. Our imperfections and brokenness are part of what makes us who we are.

One of my favorite professors, Mr. Balla, used to say something similar. Whenever you asked him how he is, he would say, "I'm incredibly imperfect but wonderfully loved." His response always took me a little off guard, but in an unforgettably good way.

So, I'm reminded that in my imperfection I am loved and beautiful. I really appreciate being able to wear this imperfect-but-absolutely-beautiful ring as a constant reminder of that truth.

The Speech I Never Gave

I recently applied to speak at graduation, as did several other seniors. Someone other than me was chosen to share his or her words on stage May 9^th. Yet, you see, I wrote these words because I wanted to share them with you, my fellow students, faculty, family and friends. So while I’ve resorted to my favorite medium of communication—the written word—you can imagine with me that you’re sitting uncomfortably in your cap and gown, waiting to hear your name called as you walk across the stage. Or maybe you are a family member or friend who was lucky enough to get a ticket to graduation so you can squirm on the bleachers until your loved one takes their brief stroll across the arena stage. Before that proud moment, a joyful, but slightly nervous, blonde soon-to-be-graduated student walks on stage and begins speaking:

“Good morning. My name is Laura Roller and I’m excited to be graduating with a degree in International Business today. Congratulations to all of you: fellow students, families and friends. This is a special day!

Honestly I am not sure right now which one scares me more: graduating and starting life in the “real world” or standing here and addressing you all. So, for the time being I’m not going to focus too hard on either one.

Magic. That’s one word I could use to sort of encapsulate what we’ve had at JBU these past four-ish years. Where else could you have the opportunity to learn so much from so many people? To make good friends from all around the country, and maybe the world? Maybe to do some awesome Mock Rock, to play spy versus spy with squirt guns, to float rubber ducks in the fountain, to pull hilarious pranks, to stay up until 2 a.m. talking with your roommate because you can, to worship with nearly the whole campus a few times a week. To grow and change. To become a better leader. To have your faith deepened and challenged.

One of the things that makes John Brown University such an incredibly special place is the people united here. Okay, maybe you’re not as extroverted as I am, so the prospect of so many people could be a little overwhelming. But think for a second. We have professors here who have spent more years studying than we’ve been alive. We have students here from more countries than states, lending a really cool international flavor to campus life. We have a rugby team! And since “ring by spring” is still alive and well, some of us have even found our spouses here. (Holds up left hand with engagement ring, smiles.) The strange new freshmen we met four years ago, when we were young, nervous, and completely overwhelmed by the new thing called the “college experience,” have now become the best of our friends.

The good news is that we are not dying, just graduating. We will see each other again! Amazing inventions like Skype even keep the distance from obscuring our faces. Homecoming brings the opportunity to visit JBU and see our college friends again. I am predicting that it will be tangibly different, but still very good. I mean, my parents still have college friends they connect with, even though they graduated…well…a long time ago. When JBU alumni get together again, it will be amazing to see both what is the same and what has changed. We’ll come back to campus and realize how young we really were during college and how much we really have grown and changed since then!

I look forward to the days of “do you remember the time when we…” and it will be just like old times for that magic moment. Of course, life will be different. There will be jobs, spouses, children, joy and tragedy, and a general geographic divergence. The other good news is that the next places we go will have people too, in some sort of measurable number that can help make life better if we invest in those relationships too.

Another thing that has made JBU incredible is the opportunity to learn and grow intellectually. That doesn’t have to stop here either. Yes, it will be harder to be a self-directed learner outside the college environment than to have hours of our lives each week devoted to professors pouring their lives and minds into us. But it can still be done. Pick up a book, watch an educational video on YouTube, go on a date to a museum, learn to knit, keep your eyes open and marvel at the world around you. But definitely, whatever we do, let’s keep learning and making the world a better place! Our jobs and post-grad lives will provide new opportunities for learning, too. Maybe it won’t be from a textbook, but we will need to learn what our bosses want, what our clients need, how to love our family and friends better. But I beg you, please don’t stop learning.

Finally, we have been able to grow spiritually here. Maybe not the way we expected. I’m not a super-Christian-missionary-theologian who’s going to save the world with my passion and love for God. There were times in my life these past four years that hurt deeply, and my heart was full of sorrow, darkness and confusion. There were also points of joy, light and encouragement. And, in hindsight, I am grateful for both. But I have learned and loved deeply here. I hope the same is true for you. Maybe your main source of growth was through chapel, or maybe it was Vespers, a small group, a church you joined, an edifying friendship you nurtured, or a mentor that you sought out. Maybe college drove you further from God, but the hope of his goodness and faithfulness still remains deep down.

I walk forward from here with both excitement and trepidation. A lot of changes are in store for me this next year, as I am sure they are for you. My little sister is starting college, my dad has a new job, I am moving to a new apartment and a new town and starting a new job, making new friends, going to a new church, planning a wedding and getting married…. That’s a lot of new!

But wherever life takes us and whatever happens from here, I am grateful that in that newness God’s mercy is also new every morning. That he has shown himself faithful in the past and that he will do so again in months and years to come.  May it always be true of us here at JBU… and beyond.”

You Called?

“Yes, mommy! I’m coming!” my little sister yelled as she came toddling down the hallway in response to my mom calling her name.  “Rachel, come here!” Mom repeated from across the house. “Yes mommy, I’m coming,” again was the response. It was a game we played again and again. “Rachel, when I call your name you need to respond and come right away. The happy way is to obey,” Mom would explain. What appeared to her a game was also much more than that. It was a lesson in obedience. In listening. In going where you’re called, when you’re called.

This story of my sister is the scene that flashed before my eyes this morning at Grace Episcopal Church as Dr. Smith read from 1 Samuel 3. This passage tells the story of the little boy Samuel sleeping comfortably in the temple of God. Suddenly he hears his name being called. I imagine that he had been trained, much like my sister and I, to come immediately and willingly when called. He ran to Eli, who was his priest, mentor, and father figure, with the quick response, “Here I am. You called me.” Groggily, Eli mutters that he didn’t call the boy and that he should go back to sleep. Samuel, again obedient, shuffles back to his pallet and lies down. This same thing happens again! His name is called, he responds in obedience by running to Eli’s side, and is told to go back to sleep. The third time, Eli realizes that Samuel must really be hearing something. We do not know if Eli had himself heard the voice of God before, or whether he only logically concluded that this was the only remaining explanation for the voice Samuel keeps hearing. Whichever the case may be, Eli tells Samuel to go back to his bed, and if he hears the voice again to respond to God with the phrase, “Yes, Lord, your servant is listening.”

Can you imagine how scared and confused Samuel must have been? He keeps hearing his name called, but no one can figure out why. When the explanation finally comes, the truth is scarier than the unknown. The Lord God Almighty is talking to HIM!  He may have thought, What can the God of the Universe possibly have to say to little me? I’m just a boy who works in the temple. I do my job and help Eli. Surely there is nothing that God could have to say to me. Instead, God turns Samuel’s world upside down by speaking audibly to him with a prophecy of the future that included the demise of the line of Eli for all generations. His only response could be “Yes, Lord, your servant is listening.”

As we discussed the story during Sunday school hour, we considered the following questions:

• Do you think we are living in a time when the “word of the Lord” and visions are especially rare, or not?
• Have you ever mistaken another voice or call for the voice of the Lord?  
• What made Eli accurately perceive that the Lord was calling Samuel?
• If you hear the voice or call of the Lord in your life, what is that voice like? How do you know that the voice belongs to the Lord?
• How can you make room in your life to listen for the Lord’s call?

I really appreciated this line of questioning, because it brought me back to considering if we can really hear or know that God is speaking to us. And if we can hear, how do we know?

It can be so hard to hear the voice of God. Whether it is because “the word of the Lord is rare” (1 Sam. 3:1) or just because we are not listening, it seems like the noise of our lives quickly drowns out anything that God might really be saying to us.

When I do feel and sense God’s guidance, I am so quick to second-guess it. It is easy to point to His voice for the little things. Maybe I wouldn’t have had a joyful reunion with the mom of a friend I hadn’t seen for years unless we both had to go to the bathroom at the exact same time during church. Maybe if I hadn’t been running 5 minutes late I would be the one in that car wreck on the highway instead of the person who was. I can thank God for what feels like little moments of providence. But what about when he calls my family across the country? When I am looking for a job? When I am trying to figure out who to marry? When I don’t understand the death of a friend or family member?  Where is God then? How is he speaking in these situations? In the “big” things in life, it’s a whole lot harder to attribute what I am hearing, thinking and feeling to God Almighty. Am I the only one who has a hard time with this? As a senior about to graduate from college, this whole what-does-God-want-me-to-do-with-my-life thing is big, huge and hairy reality. 

I imagine that hearing God is a lot like my little sister hearing my mom calling. It is best to respond right away with an attitude of willingness and obedience. Yet, even if she does not hear or respond, mom keeps calling her until she does. The same thing happens with Samuel and the Lord. It was not until the fourth try that God finally got Samuel’s attention and willingness to listen! But God didn’t give up on him. He just keep persistently speaking until Samuel recognized and turned to Him. Praise God that he does the same thing with us. He doesn’t give up on us. He keeps calling, hoping that we will pause, listen, and obey.

Secondly, it was important to me that Eli pointed Samuel toward the voice of God.  It’s kind of like if mom were calling for my sister, but instead of her hearing, I heard her instead. I could easily say, “Rachel, I hear mom calling for you! You should listen!” How often do we desire confirmation of the call that God is giving us? When those around of us point to our lives and say, “I think God is trying to tell you something,” it pushes us to accept the work of God in our lives, to listen carefully, and to relinquish the fear that somehow we are just telling ourselves the “truth” we want to believe. It helps us stop questioning and start believing.

How do we listen? I would love to say that we just pray and read the Bible and that solves all our problems. But I don’t believe that is the whole answer. We also need friends that point us to God. Silent moments to listen to Him. Faith to believe that He is talking. Eyes that look for His work in the big things and the small ones. Perseverance to hold on to what God has told us even when the going gets tough. A willingness and flexibility to exchange our “good” plans for his “best” plans. A heart willing to praise God whether we like what his voice is telling us, or whether we would like to run away to Tarsus like Jonah did when God called him to do something he never wanted to do. To trust that believes that God has the best for us even when we cannot see it clearly.

I love prayer we ended with today in Sunday school as well. It’s from the Book of Common Prayer, and it goes like this:

Heavenly Father, in you we live and move and have our being: we humbly pray you so to guide and govern us by your Holy Spirit, that in all the cares on occupations of our life we may not forget you, but may remember that we are ever walking in your sight; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. (p. 100)   

10 Things I Know to be True

Sarah Kay, a spoken word poet, has an amazing TED talk, "If I Should Have a Daughter" in which she describes how she teaches kids to write poetry. She has them write lists, one of which is "Ten Things I Know to be True."

In my Strategic Management class, we watched this video and then were encouraged to write such a list reflecting on what we have learned from grueling semester we have nearly completed. Here is my list:

1. All-nighters are still overrated. 
2. Tea is wonderful. So are coloring, naps, and playing with play-dough.
3. Being proactive and getting done early instead of the last minute is a beautiful feeling.
4. Trust and communication are hard, but they are vital. Teamwork does not exist without them. 
5. Ideas matter and have incredible value. 
6. People are complicated. So having FIVE people on a team is really complicated.
7. Time is precious, so use it well. 
8. I can do hard things if I choose too. Stop freaking out and DO something. 
9. To-do lists help me keep my sanity.
10. I have way more appreciation for smartphone apps and small businesses. Just because it looks simple and well-designed on the outside does not mean that it was easy. 

My classmates shared some of their reflections, too: 

• "You can do more than you feel but less than you think." ~Jeff
• "Asking for help isn't being ignorant, it shows a desire to learn." ~Rachel
• "People will always see things from a different perspective than you do." ~Nick
• "Be open to good things coming from hard things." ~Danielle 
• "Attitude is everything." ~Libby
• "Time is a crucial, limited resource."~Josh
• "Pushing forward is sometimes the wrong thing to do." ~Nadia 

My strategic management team. We created an app called
 ShareDat that is designed to make sharing items between
neighbors easier and safer. 

This class has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. In fact, I cried and got angry about it again today. But looking back at this list I see I really have learned some good things from the class. And, in addition to my 10 things, I grew in my business knowledge. We took five random people and made ourselves a team and a respectable business plan. I know more about smartphone apps and writing business plans and working with people and accounting and strategy than I ever knew was possible. I have overcome hard things and am better off for it. 

Questions at the Cross

Yesterday in Integrated Theology, we were talking about the Contemplative Tradition of the Christian church. Focusing on spending time alone to grow to be more like Christ is one of the things that makes this stream of Christian life so special. The problem is that I stink at it! I'm talking about stinking to the point of frustration. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to be quiet? And when I am, usually the first thing to pop up is either snores or to-do lists. Yet, here we had to sit for 20 minutes in class with Psalm 22 and a little painting of Jesus and contemplate. I could type for another five minutes and explain to you all the reasons why I can't do this kind of thing, why I don't like it, why it's hard for me, why I think other people do it better, why it doesn't feel like I have gotten anywhere or done anything at the end of the time, and...and.... Excuses abound. I was angry and frustrated with having to do this exercise. 

But eventually I chose to do something I do know how to do. I wrote. And in writing I learned something about the picture and the psalm. I slowed myself down enough to study the details in both. Why is everyone turned away from Christ? How does the psalm describe what is physically and spiritually happening to Christ?  

I was still frustrated with myself and even slightly at my professors afterward. But I also had a bit of reflection scribbled down in my notebook. That bit of prose, produced as a coping technique for my frustration, is what I now present to you: 

I remain solemnly wrapped in my robe, my eyes and heart filled with deep sorrow. I stand at the feet of a man in agony and dying. Jesus, my friend and teacher. I cannot even begin to imagine the brutality and pain he endures. I can hardly look at his face because of the pain etched there. His breathing grows heavy, far apart, and weak. He pushes up for a gulp of air, and works his mouth as if he cannot help but cry out the words shoving up from his very soul. “My...God,” he cries. “My...God.” He gasps for air again. “Why...have...you...forsaken me?” he groans. Alone. He is surrounded by people, yet utterly alone. 

 His words pierce my heart like the nails pierce his hands. Out they flow from his mouth, with more power than the blood—the holy, cleansing blood—that flows from his hands, feet, and side. His wounds pour forth blood like water from a spring. He is so thirsty that vinegar looks like a welcome relief from his desert-dry palate. His joints come out of socket. His heart literally ruptures from the strain of death put upon it. The death caused by my sin, MY sin, is killing my Savior before my very eyes. Once more, with final and wrenching breaths He declares, “It...is..fin.ish..ed.” Suddenly the air is still. His agonized lungs falter and halt. His broken body sags from the crude wooden cross.

I begin to wonder, as the soldiers laugh and gamble for my Lord’s clothes, why His Father, who was supposed to be known as Love, let this happen. What good will come from the death of one so amazing, loving, kind, powerful, wise, succinct, inspiring, intense? He is like none I have ever seen. My Jesus did not deserve to die. I am the sinner, the one who should be condemned and dead.

Why God? Why do you not answer Him? Why are you so silent and far away? Why must one so good die so soon? God, you know it has not even been four years I have walked by His side, yet I cannot imagine life any other way. Why must he be taken from us now? There was so much left to do.

Unexpected screams fill the air. People cower in fear as the earth trembles and shakes, as the sky grows dark. Does the earth shut its eyes and weep? Is that which we feel under our feet the trembling sobs of a collective sorrow as old as time? It seems as though even God and the angels hide their eyes from his death.

Why God are you so far away? Why do you hear and not answer our cries?

Lessons I'm Learning: Psalms of Life

The Lesson: My boyfriend (Ryan) and I have been reading through one of the Psalms together each week for the past few months. Every week, a common theme runs through my head—the Psalms are so much like real life!

 We see that David’s life, especially in his mind and spirit, was not an easy one. He has much to say about how his enemies surround him and he feels like God has abandoned him. He was often discouraged. In fact, if David and I were Facebook friends today, he might have had a slew of those posts that I tend to just scroll past and think, Dude, l know your life feels hard and all, but can you stop complaining about it already?  Yet, other times I think I might come across this amazing poem he wrote about how powerful and loving God is, or how beautiful nature is if you just stop and look at it, or about the marvelous phenomena of childbirth. Those days I might stop scrolling for a moment and think, Wow, David. You really get it. Thanks for the moment of inspiration and the encouragement toward worship of God.

Then I think about my own life, my Facebook posts, my text messages, my chats with my mom, and my occasional journal entry. Suddenly, I start to sound a whole lot more like David. I am perfectly capable of complaining, expressing frustration, and walking (or dragging myself) through hard times. Then there are the other days, when I cannot help but just stop and marvel at how amazing God and His creation are, and thank Him for the plans he laid out for my life before time began.

Lament and love. Whining and worship. Sadness and surprise. This is the stuff that real life is made up of.

Reading Psalms has really pushed me in one particular area: coming back to how great God is, and praising Him even when I don’t feel like it. Here’s an example, and then I will explain what I mean:

Psalm 13 (NIV)

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

³ Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

We see that David’s life feels pretty rough at the beginning of this psalm. He’s even accusing God of forgetting him forever. (And FOREVER is a really long time!) In the middle, David asks for an answer, trusting one will come. Finally, he expresses praise and trust in God, looking back to how God has been faithful in the past, and hoping for His faithfulness to hold true once again.

The challenge: I’m challenging myself to pray and think more like David did. Will you join me? Like David, we can tell God just how much life stinks and how much it feels like He’s forgotten us down here on planet earth. But DON’T STOP THERE! Ask God to answer, and praise Him even in the midst of the struggle. Look for His past faithfulness, and ask Him to demonstrate Himself once again in our lives. Ask God to bring Himself glory by working through us. Let’s look past the moment of hardship and trial to the eternally good and great God who promises to never let us out of the palm of His hand. Let’s pray big, bold prayers. Let’s praise God no matter what. You never know what might happen!

 

Lessons I Am Learning: The Importance of Little Things

UPDATE: In a post this summer I told you all that I was working on becoming a volunteer at New Beginnings Pregnancy Services. Since then, I have successfully begun volunteering there. It's been a great experience and has not been without its challenges as well. It's obvious that God wants me there. It's been good.

So, now for my story: A few weeks ago I was at New Beginnings. I had brought some crochet work because often my hands are happier if they are doing something, so I figured I would keep them busy. Sometimes I end up watching educational videos or things slow down in the front office, so it works out well. Everyone asked what I was making. That particular day I was working on a glove--nothing particularly exciting or meaningful.

After that, I ended up deciding that if I brought my crochet work back to the office, I would make things for our clients--baby shoes, hats or blankets--so that my busy-work would add value even if it was just a fun hobby.

So, the next week I brought some more yarn, this time to make a pair of baby shoes (using this pattern). The pattern I chose was a very quick one, so I actually finished this pair of shoes while I was there. They were a hit! Melissa, the volunteer coordinator, made me take pictures of them for her and then leave them on the desk so she and the other ladies could admire them.

 

The next week I brought with me a pair of shoes I had finished over the week. (It turns out I spend enough time in one week on the phone or otherwise chatting with people  to make a whole pair of baby shoes!) I worked on another pair while I was there, using this pattern. And now I am making great progress on a blanket, the first one I have made in a really long time. 

 

I say all this because the last few weeks have shown me how important something little can be. My hobby, something that I brought just to keep my hands busy, has become a huge way to contribute to the place I am volunteering. Why is that? Because taking the time to make something with my hands shows our clients that someone loves them and cares for them. They don't have to go through one of the hardest things they will ever do alone. God is there, and so are the ladies of New Beginnings. Every time they use the shoes or the blanket they got, they can remember that someone else out there cares. And that is a beautiful thing.

 

 

Yes, little things are powerful things. I have many things that seem of little importance to the outside observer, but they have acquired a deeper significance because special friends gave them to me or told me about them or told me they liked me wearing them.

 

This week, don't forget the power of the little things!

 

 

P.S. On the note of crocheting, I found a new organization that does some amazing work internationally to save women from sex slavery by giving them a trade and helping them earn a living for themselves and their children. It's called Eternal Threads. A representative of the organization was visiting my school today, and she was selling some incredible crocheted bags and other handmade items.

 

 

You can't really see the beautiful detail on this bag. But to give you an idea of the complexity and beauty, take another look at the lacy baby shoes in the picture above. They probably took me three hours to do. That bag.....it would take me years! But these ladies make and sell the bags for a living to keep themselves and their children safe. Wow. (I am sure the other students in the Student Center this morning got a good laugh at me geeking out about the workmanship on the bag. I was blown away and it was probably hilarious...)

 

In any case, I would encourage you to check out Eternal Threads' products. They go to support a great cause, and the craftsmanship on the products is some of the best I have seen in a long time. This is another one of those little things that can do big things.

 

 



Lessons I am Learning: God's Way of Talking

You know how sometimes you have days when God is silent and you wonder what in the world He is up to? And you know how other days you find yourself wondering how God got ahold of your mail and is reading it back into your face?

Today was definitely a God, why are you reading my mail?! day.

Often I read “Jesus Calling” by Sarah Young at night before I head to bed (you can find it here: http://www.thomasnelson.com/jesus-calling.html). Tonight I read:

“Seek me with your whole being. I desire to be found by you, and I orchestrate the events of your life with that purpose in mind. When things go well and you are blessed, you can feel Me smiling on you. When you encounter rough patches along your life-journey, trust that My Light is still shining upon you. My reasons for allowing these adversities may be shrouded in mystery, but My continual Presence with you is an absolute promise. Seek Me in good times; seek Me in hard times. You will find me watching over you all the time.”

 

Reading this just confirmed the sense I had felt over this whole day—that God was looking out for me and speaking, through my circumstances and those around me, directly to my heart.

I have a story from today that I would love to share with you. Here is a little background to get you started:

·         Church struggles: When I left school in May for the summer, the church I have attended while at school for the past two years was going through a major transition. The pastor was one of the aspects of the church that originally drew me there, and he and his family had left to be missionaries. When I left, I had no clue how it would go over, so I was reticent and reluctant to go back this fall. I was mourning my pastor’s departure, and wasn’t sure how the church was going to be doing without them.  I guess you could say that I really don’t like changing to a different church, but I didn’t really like my church changing either? In any case, I wasn’t sure about this semester. God knew that, and I’d been asking Him what to do about my uncertainty. 

·         The class I am super excited about: I had my first session of Honors Integrated Theology on Thursday of this week. To start off the class, we are reading a book called “Mosaic of Christian Belief: Twenty Centuries of Unity and Diversity.”  In the preface and first chapter, it talked a lot about how there are essentials to the Christian faith that makes it strong and unique. Then there are other things that are important or often come along with the faith that different groups disagree about. It brings in the quote, “In essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty, and in all things charity” as a main principle for theological pursuit and debate. When I read this quote earlier this week, I was so struck by it that I wrote it down and then posted it on Facebook. I also wrote, “Lord, help me to approach my theology class this semester and my Christian friends always with this attitude. Amen.”  Later in the semester, we are going to have some study on Islam in comparison to Christianity so we can understand the people around us and the value of our faith in Christ. I am very excited about this class and the things I will be learning.  

The story: Obviously God had a plan in place to set me at ease this Sunday! First of all, when I walked through the church doors this morning, it felt like home. Happy memories washed over me. We sang all my favorite songs in worship. I saw many people I knew and joyously greeted them after months of not seeing each other. I felt God’s presence. One of my housemates asked to come with me to church this morning (thanks, Jewel!) and it was fun to have her there. One man shared an encouraging update on a friend I hadn’t seen for a while and had completely lost touch with.

Not to mention the pastor’s sermon! He spoke on the 7 “ones” from Ephesians 4 that help us understand the areas in which it is essential to be unified in the church body: one body, one Spirit, one hope, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all. He even used the quote from our “Mosaic” book: “In essentials unity, in non-essentials liberty, and in all things charity” in the middle of the sermon! Then they announced a Sunday school class focused on how to understand the Muslim faith with the intent of reaching out with the love of God to them. I went to the class and learned some new things. All of the connections to what I was already processing in my mind from class this week took me totally by surprise. It was wonderful and delightful.  Now I am even excited to go back next week!

So, I am taking this as evidence of God reading my mail, hearing the cry of my heart for wisdom and guidance, and choosing to give me opportunities to learn more about him, both in school and in church.

Yesterday I did not have peace or understanding concerning where I would attend church this semester and how that would go. Today, I know God has shown that He is working. While there was no neon arrow in the sky, I feel him “smiling on me” today. He orchestrated the events of my life to help me understand a sliver of what He has up His sleeve for me this semester. When things get hard, I will know He is still there, because He is “watching over me all the time.”

Dear Lord, Don’t let me forget times like this when You orchestrate the events of my life to help me see You and Your will more clearly. Thank you that You watch over me, and that You give me wisdom and clarity in the midst of uncertainty and confusion. I pray Your blessing over me, my fellow believers, and my fellow students as we seek to learn and draw closer to You this year and in all the years to come. We praise You for all You are and all You have done for us. Amen.

Lessons I Am Learning: Babies are Precious

How the Learning Began

I have always loved babies. I remember my mom saying, “Babies are precious” frequently as I grew up, especially when she saw a new little one at church or any number of other occasions. My older cousins started having kids a long time ago, and I loved seeing the new little ones at family get-togethers. The last couple years, my friends have started getting married and having offspring of their own. The fact that people had babies was normal to me, so I never really realized how many obstacles stood between an unborn child and life. That is, until earlier this year.

I suppose this train of thought began in earnest around April of this year. We can blame the start of it on watching the movie “October Baby,” which, if you haven’t seen it, is the story of a young woman searching for answers after she finds out from her adoptive parents that she is the byproduct of a “failed abortion.” In other words, in the eyes of some, she wasn’t supposed to exist in the first place. With this information, what did her life mean anyway? And where was she supposed to go from here? This movie made me think, heightened my awareness, and touched my heart. A little low-budget and a lot pro-life? Yes. Really good? Also yes.

 

The week after I watched “October Baby,” the story assignment to cover Arkansas’ new law on abortion, limiting it to the first 12 weeks of a mother’s pregnancy, came across my desk at the Threefold Advocate student newspaper (Full story here: http://advocate.jbu.edu/?q=node/766). For this story, I did a ton of research, including visiting with the local crisis pregnancy center, interviewing people who had worked there, reading up on the bill that had passed, studying media reactions on both sides of the issue, checking the website of the one full-fledged abortion clinic in Arkansas that I could track down, looking at Planned Parenthood’s website for press releases and other information.... you get the idea. Suffice it to say, I had a lot of new, conflicting, mind-boggling and heart-breaking information swirling around in my head. I did most of the research while snowed in at my boyfriend’s family’s house after spring break. The poor, wonderful guy had to put up with me as I mentally processed all the newly-added data. When I got back to school, I wrote the article, striving to be informative and balanced, and moved on with prepping for finals week.

Around the same time, a beloved professor of mine found out that she and her husband are unable to have children. As she has grieved the ability to ever give birth to a child that is her flesh and blood, she has also begun the process of adoption. They’re waiting to take the children that no one else wants from a far-away country that God has placed on their hearts. My heart goes out to them for their pain and rejoices in their hope. I look forward to meeting their eventual new little ones, the unwanted who become beloved in the arms of her family.

In my International Marketing class, we did a case on whether General Electric was responsible for the deaths of thousands of baby girls in predominately Asian countries. The reason? They manufacture ultrasound machines, which can be used to determine the sex of the child before it is carried to term, even though doing so is illegal. Because girls are considered undesirable, many are aborted before birth. Others are abandoned or killed after birth because their family cannot or will not keep them.

Shortly after that, I was looking for summer jobs. In my search, I ran across an ad on our student portal looking for an intern at a house for young pregnant girls who needed help.  I researched the place. Too bad I was 4 months too young to actually qualify for the position. But it had still tugged at my heart.

 A week later I was on the phone with a lady from the crisis pregnancy center near where my folks live. Did they need any help with marketing or public relations stuff? Maybe I could count it for my internship credit?  They were willing to explore the idea. In the end, I ended up getting a wonderful intern position at Nazarene Publishing House instead, but those questions added another step to my mental journey.

Sometime this spring, I clicked “like” on Facebook for a few pages such as National Right to Life, Heartbeat International, Save the Storks, and CareNet out of curiosity. After that, news stories, pictures and more information came floating across my screen.  I began reading more stories—what it looks like to have a child with Down’s Syndrome, fathers who wished they had prevented their children from being aborted, new laws being passed, mothers burdened with regret, abortion clinics shutting down, former abortion doctors being tried for murder, nurses testifying about what they had seen in abortion clinics, ways to help grieving women, stories of successful adoption, a man finding his birth mother through the Internet nearly 60 years after his birth, and many more.

At church this summer, a pastor was talking and something tugged at my heart again. I had pushed aside all thought of the interviews I did before I wrote the abortion law article this spring because I was busy, but now their words were suddenly back in full force.  I turned to my boyfriend and said something like, “I am going to volunteer at the crisis pregnancy center this next semester.” That’s all. But it was enough.

Before we left on vacation as a family this summer, I was meandering around the library website, looking for e-books to check out and read on the long car rides. One of the ones I found was “Expecting Adam” by Martha Beck. It was about a woman and her husband who found out she was carrying a child with Down’s Syndrome during their time at Harvard as doctoral students. Deciding to keep the baby turned their lives upside-down in ways they could only have imagined. It was not your stereotypical pro-life book, but rather a gripping story of her personal journey, lovingly reconstructed from her journals and the accounts of her friends and family. She didn’t decide to keep the baby because she was some pro-life fanatic or because she just was eager and overjoyed to bring a “retarded” kid into the world, but because Adam was her flesh and blood and miraculous things kept happening around her during her pregnancy. She had fought so hard to get through the five and a half months of pregnancy preceding her diagnosis; she was determined to stay pregnant.  She fought hard against the pressures from her Harvard peers and professors to just “get rid of the problem.” She never imagined what joy and perspective Adam would bring to their lives. I just finished reading the book the other day. I might not agree with all of her ideology/mysticism, but it was definitely a good, thought-provoking read. It gave me perspective and empathy that I was previously lacking.

In my advertising class this spring, we often recited the mantra, “If you want the ladies [to buy your product], show them the babies.” Research shows that the average woman is positively disposed toward baby faces, and that positivity transfers over to the product itself. Or so they say.

Well, this month, the Royal Baby, Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge, was born. Johnson and Johnson obviously used the strategy of “showing the babies” in its new ad in People Magazine issue celebrating the royal birth this month. “We believe every child should be treated like Royalty,” said one page. In the middle was a baby in a bathtub with a crown of bubbles suspended on his little, flaxen head. Good job. You got my attention.

 

 For some reason, all the news coverage on the Royal Baby got me thinking. What I realized was that usually the media argues that a child inside the womb should most accurately be called a fetus, and that fetus is merely a “lump of tissue” in all other cases. But suddenly, when the prince and princess were expecting their first offspring, that son was a baby. Not a Royal Fetus, but a Royal Baby. That has to count for something, right? That deep down, despite all the wars over “choice” and “life” and “pro” and “anti,” at the purest level of our communal understanding, we still recognize that which comes out of a womb is a baby. What this is telling me is that when an unborn child is unwanted it is a fetus. When it is wanted, it is a baby. This duplicity made me angry, which made me think some more, which is why I even began writing this post in the first place.

What I Have Learned

When I sat down and started writing, I began with all the events and thoughts I remembered that led up to my recent flaming indignation. As I wrote, I came to understand that there are a number of lessons I have learned the last few months.

First, I am coming to the renewed realization of is that children are precious. Yes. I love babies! I look forward to the day when I am married and begin my own family. I love on my cousins and enjoy a babysitting gig on occasion. Of course, my boyfriend and other friends know the look I get in my eyes when I spot a precious newborn or a precocious toddler at church. Every muscle in my body strains to hold that little one, to breathe in the scent of innocence, mischief, slightly-sour milk, and baby powder. A look from the too-big eyes of a baby is enough to make my heart melt.

So, I love babies. And the average person loves babies. And the United Kingdom loves babies (at least when it’s the future heir to the throne of their country). So, why do so many of our national policies and tax dollars go toward preventing children from being born in the United States every year?

Secondly, I understand abortion is not an “easy option.”  While I know the arguments about underprivileged people, babies and mommies with health issues, teen pregnancies, rape victims and other challenges, I don’t think those cases fully account for the prevalence of abortion in my world today. I am not being “anti-choice” here. I just want to know why it is that abortion is widely considered the first option, and the “easy” option! It is financially expensive, emotionally devastating, and potentially physically dangerous for the mother. Not to mention that it takes the life of a child. What about the people who work in these facilities and the emotional toll it takes on them?

 I believe that women should be given other options. Because there ARE other options!  I don’t know what all of them are, but I believe there is a better way than abortion in nearly every circumstance. Abortion is a medical procedure that rips a living being out of the safety of a mother’s womb and leaves nothing in return. There are options out there that can link mothers with  loving and supportive people who can guide them toward emotional healing, spiritual strength, financial help, medical care, a family to raise the child if she cannot, and possibly the chance to see that child again if she so chooses.

While “getting rid of the problem” seems like a good choice in the short run, the long run consequences often are devastating. The memory of a life-not-lived can endure long after the procedure is over, and may never fully disappear. Carrying the child to term has its own crazy challenges. Yet, imagine the healing in the long run. She had the amazing and terribly difficult chance to bring a life into the world after carrying him or her under her heart for 9 months. She has the chance to see the child she cannot care for on her own raised by people who (hopefully) love her child as much as she does. She is empowered to take care of her child in the best way she knows how, instead of being forced to get rid of it because she has no other option.

            Thirdly, I have learned that I want to do something about what I believe. I want to be someone that is understanding and empathic, not legalistic and hateful, nor passive and uninvolved. I want to reach out in love to the women who are making huge, hard and impactful choices about their future and the life of the babies in their wombs. I want to be a friend to those who need it. I want to be a listening ear with godly, caring, wise advice to those who have nowhere else to turn. As I mentioned earlier, I think I am going to try and volunteer at a pregnancy center this next semester. I am hoping that experience will give me more insight and empathy. I want to know how I can help. It is no longer enough for me to say that I think unborn babies are worth saving, or to think that abortion shouldn’t be the only option. That puts me with the masses of other people who are doing nothing. I need to do something about it.

None of this is easy, but it is worth doing. I feel like I am listening to the desire God placed in my heart. If you read this far, I want to thank you. I also want to encourage you to look at your own heart. What lessons are you learning? What desires is God placing on your heart? Where do you need to put action to your beliefs?

Under New Management

Each week when I drove to church while I was in Kansas City this summer, I drove past a sign. This sign stood outside a rather ordinary apartment complex in the “okay” part of town.  In shiny white letters on a field of dark blue, the sign declared:

NOW UNDER...

New ownership
New management
New attitude

The pessimistic side of me wondered what terrible service had happened under the previous ownership that made the new owners want to so emphatically declare that they were new, and therefore (hopefully) different and better. But I won’t ever know that side of the story.

I do, however, know a different story, which could be introduced by the same declaration as above. It’s the narrative of every Christian who has given his or her life to Christ and is striving to live by His standards.

New Ownership

Isaiah 43:1 declares that God has ownership over us, and we are His:

“But now, this is what the Lord says—

    he who created you, Jacob,

    he who formed you, Israel:

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

While we all are originally God’s creation, many of us he had to buy back, or redeem, from the grasp of sin. Now that we are under new ownership, some changes are expected. We must live like kids of the Kingdom and abide by its rules and standards. That way, the people around us can see the difference. We don’t need a blue sign with white letters declaring we’re different; people should be able to tell that from the way we think, act and speak.

 New Management

When we become owned by God, we immediately invite the Holy Spirit into our lives as the agent of change. While Jesus was on earth, he was able to guide, or “manage” his disciples and those around Him. Now, however, He is in heaven advocating for us at the right hand of the Father, and He has sent the Holy Spirit to lead and guide us. We’re under new management. But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth (John 16:13).

The Holy Spirit serves lots of purposes, but one of His main jobs is to lead us and guide us to a deeper right relationship with our God and Savior. In Galatians 5, Paul lists what people who don’t have the Spirit in them do, and then contrasts those actions with what has come to be known as the “fruit of the Spirit.” He then concludes with this encouragement: Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit (Galatians 5:25). The fact that we are “under new management” should be evident to those around us because of the Holy Spirit’s influence on our lives. We should “keep in step” with Him.

New Attitude  

Finally, after being bought back from sin and keeping in step with the Spirit, our attitude should reflect our new position as a child of God. As a child, I learned that I am supposed to be a light in the dark world around me. Both the song, “This Little Light of Mine” and a verse, Matthew 5:16, serve as reminders of that. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

For years I have loved the description Philippians 2 contains of Jesus’ attitude here on earth. I especially enjoyed how the Message put it [though it is not my normal reading translation]:

Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself. He had equal status with God but didn’t think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what. Not at all. When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human! Having become human, he stayed human. It was an incredibly humbling process. He didn’t claim special privileges. Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death—and the worst kind of death at that—a crucifixion. Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth—even those long ago dead and buried—will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father (Philippians 2:5-11).

As we learn from Christ’s example, the rewards of having a godly attitude are huge. As sons and daughters of a living God, we have a great role model and a crowd of witnesses cheering us on.

So pick that white-lettered blue sign out of your yard and start living like people will notice. I need to do the same. Let’s do it!